Ok so I quit! I was Whole30 all day on Saturday, went to the party, showed no restraint, and enjoyed. My gut wasn't terribly happy with me but I think it has more to do with eating late and not a normal meal as this seems to be a frequent problem when we go out. And the following day we were invited to dinner at my in-laws. For pasta. I was prepared to bring my own spaghetti squash but didn't have any but I also have a rule to eat and enjoy when we are with friends/family (this is because I only have mild discomfort with some kinds of food, not enough to say a real intolerance/allergy). Well I was even more happy when we got there because homemade white bread was baking away in the bread maker.... Oh. My. And then they pulled out some red wine. Delish! We enjoyed.
I think that is what I ultimately came down to for me. I believe that food was meant to nourish, but it is also a gift meant to be enjoyed. It tastes good for a reason. Kinda like sex :) Yes it has a very functional purpose but it was also made to be delicious! For me eating such a restricted diet wasn't fun and in the end wasn't healthy for me. It was at first because it was a challenge and I was learning new things and trying new foods but then it just started to get annoying. And was really pissing me off! I just kept thinking "we weren't meant to eat this restrictive!?" This may sound silly but I kept reading this verse "Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the
whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be
yours for food." Genesis 1:29. Hmmm..... but then sin entered the world, and so did sickness, and disease, and genetically modified grains... :) But then I started thinking, maybe we should all be vegan?!?! ..... and then I remembered I am under Grace not law..... God does not demand me to eat this or that or do this or that for His love or for my salvation. It is by His grace.....
Food is all throughout the bible. It is important. God used wine and bread, loaves and fish, an piece of fruit that looked yummy, the dinner table throughout for very important events and miracles. It is important and like all things in my life, important to God. Corinthians 10:31, where it says, "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." I wasn't glorifying God. This was becoming my god. I had turned a little challenge into a form of idolatry. Obsessing over each meal, everything that went into my mouth, what I got to eat next, what it was doing to my body, not doing ot my body, why I wasn't allowed foods that I know make me feel great (smoothies, quinoa, my shakes).... then I started to feel spiritual tension which is always a red flag for me. It just wasn't working. It was no longer healthy. And I was really freaking out about the WholeThing. I am not sure why this was my experience but it was. I was putting way to much energy into this, thinking too much, and motivated by my glory. Not making my body better for His glory. I just needed to stop the obesession and get back to eating the real food I enjoyed. I really enjoyed this article and I think she expresses what I was going through way better.
As soon as I gave myself permission to stop. The tension lifted, I felt free agian and I was ok. And it took me 3 days until I baked. I thought I was going to dive face first into chocolate chips when this first started :)
So what did I learn? Lots. I am so glad I took this on even if I didn't finish. Pros for me doing this Whole13:
-I can survive without grains and especially the bad one
- I can now make all sorts of yummy veggies and know how to eat them at every meal
-I learned read labels. I couldn't believe the amount of crap in things I normally would have just bought and served to my family..... so I made my own stock, ketchup, salad dressing and still plan on making mayo one of these days!
-I CAN make much of the food we consume. It will take more time, energy but I can make many things from scratch. The results will be whole, real food, less to NO crap... loved this.
- I kicked sugar! But I am already slipping so I need to get back on track. I did stop craving it. That is huge for me!
-I made fat my friend. Good healthy fats are GOOD for you. Fat free Franken food is BAD for you. Cook with it and enjoy!
-I learned to say no. I don't need to eat every treat that is offered to me. I struggle with this. But not being allowed to eat any of it was nice to give myself permission to say no.
-how to eat real food and get away from all things processed- biggest take home message for me!!!
Obviously I struggle with food. So if you don't this all probably sounds very weird to you. I grew up in a home where it was common and encouraged to 'diet'. If you weren't, it was 'bad' to eat the foods we ate (which were infact not healthy at all!). It was normal to put down your body, publically call yourself fat, self hate, point out others who were fatter.... messed up I know, but it was only a few years ago I realized this wasn't normal. I am working against serious bondage and have seen huge amount of healing already in my life and in this area. Because of this I am so aware of what my daughter is picking up from me... we talk about eating healthy foods because it is good for our bodies and she works out with me or watches me most mornings because I am a 'strong mommy' and again we want to be healthy and so I can lift both her and her brother (combined 65 lbs!) up the stairs! I am currently at the lowest adult weight of my life. This is huge. But I have also always thought myself to be overweight. While I am so so SO happy with where I am at (you have to believe me, I am!) I still know that I can lose another 10lbs. Some people have made comments implying I am crazy but I know I still have more body fat that I don't need. I am grateful for my online support group of super fit mammas who encourage me and help me to get in the best possible shape (yes even after kids!). They get it, have seen my horrid before pics and encourage me to keep going. I am still trying to figure out how to eat healthy without restricting but without over indulging and using food for my comfort, reward, joy.... again idolatry! So I am trying to find balance between eating, enjoying, health..... I know the answer for me lies in WHOLE REAL foods. Eating food the way we were meant to- fresh, unprocessed, no chemicals (not meaning all organic.... not feasible for us right now), not out of a box, minimal to no refined sugar, no refined anything... But not freaking out if we enjoy occasional treats! I am loving this blog. This philosophy is awesome.
I am back to working out. Starting another round of Chalean Extreme mixed with some Insanity. I love exercising, love making it a priority. Love how it makes me feel strong and energized. Even my husband noticed how much better it was for me exercising and eating ok- not perfect compared- to the past 13 days. I can't wait to get back at it hard, eat real food and see what happens in the next couple of months.
Thanks for reading along with me. Sorry I was a bit of a freak show :)
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