Day 10- wow!? Really?!

Day 10!?  I can't believe that, I thought I was on day 8... yes the days matter THAT much!

I have been absent the last couple of days because Monday's are busy and I host a women's bible study in the evening and Tuesday I was thinking and eating and today I was thinking some more.  I am tired and reeeeeeeeeeeeeally just want to go hang out on the couch with my husband so I will make my thoughts kinda quick....

I am struggling.  Food wise I am doing ok.  I am eating waaaay too much still.  I have been silently reflecting and spending way too much time on the forums....  I am not very happy with the last two days.... I really just want to each chia seeds, green smoothies and my other healthy foods again.  And I am not feeling that great (tummy issues).... I also have a general pissed-off-ed-ness to the program.... and I can't tell if it is the stage called 'kill all things' or if this just isn't for me.....  I am becoming obsessed and very consumed.  By the rules.  I am ok with the no soy, dairy, sugar, legumes, grains, fun ect.... but I feel more obsessed than I ever did doing Weight Watchers.  The only difference is how full my belly is.  I am full and eating nourishing foods but my head is really struggling.  I like rules, I am very much all or nothing, moderation is really hard for me.  What has REALLY been stressing me out is this office party coming up this weekend.  It is for my husband's work.  It is a really nice night at a nice restaurant and all the staff and spouses come out.  We look forward to this.  I was stressed about being a dietary freak, insulting the gracious hosts by refusing most of the food and asking for special plates, not drinking (the last party I was nursing a newborn baby and was tipsy after one glass and the one before that I was pregnant)... not that I want to drink much but I want to enjoy myself :).... I have decided just to enjoy the night *gasp!!!!!!!!!!!*  That breaks all the rules!!! But don't we all need a little bit of grace?  I have no intentions of starting over, but I will carry on.  And I feel very relieved with that.  I still might make some changes, limit the amount of wine, maybe pass on dessert, not gorge on appies and maybe even ask not to have rice with my salmon but extra veggies....  We will see.  Or I might eat. it. all.  :)  A friend shared this article, so instead of trying to be more articulate than her, I share her sentiments on her Whole30 experience... and know that I am eating a cocoa coconut chew lara bar as I type.... delish!  

I am learning lots about myself and about food and eating waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more veggies than every before and still zero sugar so that is all very, very good. 

Oh in OTHER news... I broke another rule and am down 4 lbs :)  

Exercise: Chalean Extreme burn 1

Post-workout meal- 1 hard boiled egg

Breakfast: eggs and kale in coconut oil, beef sausage, coffee (mostly decaf) coconut milk

Snack:  apple

Lunch: 1 small baked sweet potato (trying to get more carbs in), med. green salad with avocado, chicken thigh off a deli chicken

Dinner:  leftover chicken cacciatore from Everyday Paleo Family cookbook- so good!, with a ton of roasted broccoli and steamed carrots with ghee.  Strawberries with coconut butter for dessert

Snacks:  TOO MANY.  I gotta get this under control.... another egg, handful of cashews (even though I said I wasn't going to eat these today), celery with cashew butter (SO good), licorice tea, another coffee.  6-7 huge Nalgenes of water.