Remember the gift

We have had some bad near misses at home the past couple of months It is literally by the grace of God that my babies are safe and sound and that I am able to still be their mother.  Out of fear for harsh judgement or trouble I won’t get into the details but they were bad... involving a diaper bag, long drive across town, a local pond... and of course the daily falls and bumps that make me thank the Lord children are so resilient.   We know how blessed we were in all of these circumstances for his divine protection and grace. 

Was I being negligent?  No I don’t think so.  Could I watch them more closely and take more precautions?  Of course... we all could, especially in hindsight.   I realized that God has given me these children.  Out of all the mothers, and all the babies in the entire world; these ones were hand selected for me to raise.  Children are a gift of God, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” Psalm 127:3.  It is hard in the mundane, long and tiresome days to think of them that way but they are- gifts.  (I joked with a friend recently after a bad day that if this is a gift can you imagine hell ? :) I joke... I love my children and know our God is gracious and loving) 

After one particularly close and bad incident, my husband fell asleep with our sweet girl, just holding onto her.  He was so close to losing her.  Afterwards I went in and held her too.  I remember just thanking God for her.  Thanking God that I was still her mother- I almost lost that privilege. Thanking God for stepping in saving her.  The next days after every tantrum, scream, disobedient act, night time disturbance... reminding myself that I almost lost the chance to do this.  I saw them as the gifts they were intended to be.  Truly felt the joy that they bring me every single day. I can't believe I forgot that.  The sick part of me forgetting is that I used to work in the PICU at CHEO... although I wasn't a parent yet, I saw tragedy, accidents and miracles everyday... still I forgot.  It really did put things back into perspective...

... I lost that perspective recently. I forgot again. I guess that is why I sat down to write this.  My patience has been so thin, I feel like I am failing, I yell, I discipline very ineffectively, I give up, I looked up job postings....  But what I am remembering is that God gave them to ME.  He wants me to mother them, to raise them up to be whoever he desires them to be, to be the one to pick them up when they fall, to pray over them while they sleep, kiss their little heads, be there for them day in and day out.  Me (and of course my hubby J!)   And the most amazing part is that he has given me everything I need to do it (Psalm 16:5).  The Lord sees something in me that make me perfect for raising these particular children....  amazing!  After some early morning quiet time I think I snapped out of my funk.  Today has been better.  I just pray that with His help and guidance that I can fulfil his calling and bring him glory by treasuring these gifts and doing the best I can with what he has given me.  

So the point of me writing this was to share how quickly we can forget to treasure the moment, the lives, the gift that our babies are.  The days can be long.  I know.   When faced with the potential for real loss, it really woke me up to pay attention.  To remember God is in control.  God is good- always.  But bad things will still happen.  But I know for myself after a few bad days I quickly can forget about the gift of my children, my role and my calling.