New Mom Part II

I am a new mom.  Not a first time mom but a new mom.  A new mom to my sweet little man.  I think it can be easy to forget that I am new at this.  I am new to having this baby, having a boy, having a toddler and to having two under two.

This time around is so much easier.  Yes I just said that.  Life isn’t easier and job isn’t easier, but being a new mom is so much easier.  

If I could go back in time two years... I would probably slap myself and yell “get a grip!!”.  I was a wreck. It was so hard!!   I was stressed, exhausted, nervous, let her cry too much, I cried too much, starved her (before you call children’s aid, we had breastfeeding issues and this was completely unintentional!!), let books be my conscience, and I worried about everything.  But I know that this was all normal (well maybe not everything on that list!).  I have been lucky enough that many of my friends came into motherhood after I did and after many heartfelt talks know that many of these emotions are very common to the new mom.  It’s not really talked about though... I know I was ashamed that I wasn’t  thriving, that it wasn’t like a Pampers commercial, that sometimes I resented her- why can’t she let me sleep, eat, shower, BE...!?  That she didn’t eat and sleep like the books told me she should/would...

So what is different this time around?  Well for starters, ME.  I am a changed woman.  Sweet baby girl made me a better person.  She mirrors my flaws, my sins, my struggles right back to me as she always turns me back to Jesus.  Never before have I had to cling so much to the cross.  The past year after deciding to stay home full-time God has been transforming me.  Daily I am drawn to repentance and begging for grace.  Grace for my failures and grace to extend to my sweet babes.  Begging for help and wisdom- “How on earth do I do this now?!”  I have to remain in constant prayer for guidance and strength.  I’m not talking about on my knees hand lifted prayer, but silent petitions, quick pleas for help, brief moments of repentance, listening for gentle Spirit whispers.  Remembering that I can do all things...

I have been able to enjoy the new born stage so much more this time... which is odd because my attention is split, the days are long and loud and I have another big little one running around.  But now I know how fleeting time is.  This first year FLIES by.  The good, the bad and the ugly are all over so quickly.  

I have learned:

-It is ok to not stimulate a baby all day.  He is ok to sit with me while I work, rest or work out.  I remember feeling like I could only get stuff done if she was napping... and she didn’t nap *long*.... hence my resentment!

-That habits really don’t form that easily.  Keep trying to enforce healthy sleep and feeding habits but at the end of the day we all need to survive and do what you need to do to get through it!  Every day and week are so different and will be over so soon.

-Trust your instincts.  I don’t need books to tell me how to feed, play, and sleep my baby.  I still do pull them off the shelf from time to time but now I have the confidence and experience to know that these are only suggestions and every baby is truly unique.  I could not have birthed two babies who are more different if I tried!  What might work for one baby won’t always work for the next.  What worked one day, won’t always work the next.   It was so freeing to let this go and mother the way my gut was telling me too. 

-Sleep and naps are so important for baby- how you get there is not so much!   Need the swing?  Take it!  Need the boob? Here it is!   Feeling lonely?  Curl up in bed with me!  I still did some sleep training, and he does take some naps in his crib and now sleep in his crib all night but I don’t fight it this time (mostly because I can’t with a toddler running in and out of the nusery!).  It’s not worth getting stressed and upset.  The ultimate goal is a well rested baby.  Sometimes after a short crib nap he will finish one off in the swing or just hang out the rest of the afternoon.

- Postpartum rest is HUGE.  The first month I rested after little man (well as much as I could given him being against sleep) which I didn’t do the first time around.  The first time I tried to do it all too soon and too quickly. So I asked for help this time and I took full advantage of it.  “Sleep when the baby sleeps” you hear that all the time... but really GO TO SLEEP! Everything can wait till you are fully recovered.   I really think that taking that first month (take more if you don’t have other children!) off of life and just resting, eating, nursing and playing with sweet baby girl helped me recover 10 times faster.  The house fell apart and I looked a mess but it was ok!  You will never get those early days back.  I wish I stayed in my PJ’s and enjoy them J

-Don’t worry about getting out so much in the early days.  You have a whole year of mat leave to enjoy so stay home and rest for a while.  You are allowed to hide away.  The world will be waiting for you when you are ready. 

-Babies cry.  And that’s ok.  They don’t hate you. When baby cries, finish your sip of water, bite of supper, and don’t run from the shower naked and dripping wet (there is a visual for you!).  Do you what you can to sooth but it’s not the end of the world.  It will be ok.

-Routines are important, but not worth going crazy over!  I used to freak out if heaven forbid she needed to eat before 3 hours or broke my 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm,7pm, 10pm 4am repeat.... It was so distressing and made me feel like a failure.  The first time new mom in me would scoff at our ‘routine’ now!  But who is happier? ;)

In the end we all came out alright both the first time and now the second time. I am still exhausted, sleep can be elusive, and some days start at 4:30am. The work is not easier- it is very hard juggling two babies, not being able to sleep in after night time feedings, getting out the door in the winter, keeping the house somewhat tidy, eating and drinking enough to take care of me and make milk, diaper after diaper allll day long.... but the adjustment and the shock of being a new mom is so much easier.  

So after I finish slapping myself, I would give myself a hug, pour me a BIG coffee and say that you are doing great.  God has placed a high calling on you and given you a mighty job to raise this tiny person.  Relax, rest in Him.  Trust yourself and ENJOY this all.  You don’t need to find the joy in the diapers and the crying and the sleepless nights but seek out the joy in the quiet moments and in the day to day of caring for this precious gift.  Please, just rest and enjoy!  I certainly do not have all the answers this time around but I am figuring out how to thrive and live like I’m in a Pampers commercial (I just have more leaks ;) )